Working Mom or Stay-At-Home Mom: 7 Questions to Ask Yourself

Are you in a dilemma whether to continue as a working mom or resign and become a stay-at-home mom?

I know that can be a tough decision. Because I had been there myself.

For the first two years, I was a full-time working mom. When my son turned 2 years old in June 2018, I left my full-time employment and joined the stay-at-home mom club.

As someone with the experience of both a full-time working mom and a stay-at-home mom, I trust I have some valuable insight.

Let me ease your dilemma by asking yourself 7 important questions before you throw in that resignation letter.

Working mom or stay-at-home mom: 7 questions to ask yourself
Final thoughts

No one can make the best decision other than yourself.

For that, allow me to share the 7 questions you need to ask yourself so that you can better prepare yourself before making the change from a working mom to a stay-at-home mom.

1. What are the actual reasons you want to resign and become a stay-at-home mom instead of a working mom?

So, why do you want to be a stay-at-home mom instead of a working mom?

Start with writing down as many reasons as possible. And identify the main reasons. This is important so you can always refer back when you feel doubtful of your decision.

For sharing purposes, these are some of the reasons I decided to resign and become a stay-at-home mom:

Too many negative changes including a new demanding job role at my then workplace.
My infertility experience including a failed IVF taught me to value my son even more.

I want to spend more time with my baby son instead of just 4 hours per day during the weekdays.
I need a break from work. After being in the workforce for more than 15 years, I really need a break from it.

For the rest of the reasons, you can read my sharing on why I left my full-time employment and be a stay-at-home mom.

Something very important is that please be realistic when writing down your reasons, especially the main reasons.

What I meant is that, please do not include reasons such as:

I hate my boss or that colleague

I don’t enjoy my job

In this case, I consider both of the above are not good and strong reasons to quit a job and be a stay-at-home mom. Because being a stay-at-home mom is not an escape.

Instead, it is a commitment.

Take your time to come out with as many reasons as possible. While generating the reasons, this is also a great time to reevaluate your decision.

2. How long do you plan to be a stay-at-home mom?

If you have plans to be a stay-at-home mom instead of a working mom, how long do you plan to be a stay-at-home mom?

In other words, when are you planning to be back to work?

Some of the considerations are as below:

Back to work when the child starts preschool at the age of 3 years old.
Rejoin the workforce when the child starts kindergarten. That would be about 4 to 6 years because locally kids start kindergarten at the age of 4 to 6 years old.

Back to work when the child starts primary school. That would be about 6 to 7 years because locally kids start primary school at the age of 6 to 7 years old.
Not planning to go back to work because you plan to be self-employed.

This planning is important as it is related to the next question, on financial support and budgeting.

3. Are you financially ready?

The next question would be whether you are financially ready.

Ask yourself if you have sufficient savings to support you throughout the duration of being a stay-at-home mom.

Some of the exercises that you can do to check whether you are financially ready or not:

Write down your existing nett worth and take note of personal assets and liability
Have a monthly budget as a stay-at-home mom. Write down all your monthly fixed expenses such as:
- car loan
- housing loan
- study loan
- credit card
- insurance premium
- mobile and broadband commitment
- food, personal care and own pocket money
- baby needs
- other monthly utilities
Do include emergency and unexpected needs as well

This is the reason why the second above is important. Because you need to have an idea of how long you plan to be a stay-at-home mom.

From there, you can see whether your budget allows you to do so.

Of course, you can venture into something that can generate income. But, let’s take the worst scenario so that you are prepared if the worst really happens.

4. Are you truly willing to (temporarily) give up your career and be a stay-at-home mom instead?

Next, ask yourself if you are truly willing to temporarily give up your career and be a stay-at-home mom instead.

Some of the things might want to consider as below:

Think of all the opportunities you might miss work. Such as a promotion or that international conference that you’ve wanted for so long.

How about those monthly paychecks that are not going to be yours?
Think deeply about switching from a career woman to a stay-at-home mom who has no off days and can be a totally different lifestyle.

Is it worth it?

Especially when no one shows appreciation for your sacrifice? Unlike at work where you have a boost when your superior or customer say thank you. And not forgetting the yearly appraisal at work.

Also, take note of the word truly willing in this question. That willingness must come from yourself and not by force by others, be it your husband, your in-laws, your mom or any others.

Because in the end, you are the one who holds the responsibility for this decision.

And most importantly, only someone truly willing to switch from a working mom to a stay-at-home mom can be a happy mom to her children.

The children need a happy mom to raise them up. Not a grumpy mom who thinks why she needs to spend her days with her bossy and demanding little ones.

5. What do you want to do during your spare time?

As a stay-at-home mom, you are going to be very busy.

I can assure you, most of your time will be occupied with the young ones. They can be very fussy and cute at the same time.

But somehow you are going to have some free time for yourself. Even though that can be very limited especially when your little one is below 2 years old.

So, what do you want to do during that free time? Scrolling through your Facebook or Instagram account? Binge-watching your favourite Korean drama?

Yes, you can. There is nothing wrong with scrolling through Facebook or Instagram or watching your favourite show. But, trust me, you are going to grow tired of these.

Therefore, have a plan for things you want to do or accomplish during your free time.

Some suggestions are as below:

Start a blog and blog about things you are passionate about.
Write articles on topics you enjoy.
Brush up your existing skills through the many online courses.

Increase your knowledge in a new area such as early child development.
Home gardening for fresh and healthy produce to feed your family.

Personally, I think it is important to have things that we enjoy doing while being stay-at-home moms. So that we can relax our minds whenever we have the opportunity to do so.

Else, the stay-at-home mom will turn into a monster mom.

Therefore, write down your plans and things you wish to accomplish while you are staying at home with your little one.

Think of it this way, while your little one is growing up, you are also growing up and enhancing your knowledge.

6. Does your husband support your decision?

Next would be asking your husband if he supports your decision.

If you have been working all these while and sharing parts of the household expenses, it can be rather tough to pass all the financial responsibilities to your husband.

This is especially true when you have children.

Because raising children nowadays can be very expensive. For example, my husband and I spent more than RM30,000 on our baby first-year cost.

So, take time to talk things through and have an agreement on important financial commitments.

Some things are worth considering as below:

If you have an existing car loan, it might be unfair to ask your husband to pay for the car loan. What you can do is consider selling it. If you still need a car to move around, consider getting a smaller second-hand car that is cost-efficient. Or, just use the e-hailing service.
Can your husband take up the responsibility for the housing loan?
How about those expensive but unavoidable baby needs such as formula milk, diaper or medicines?

But, the good part is your husband will be able to concentrate better at work. Because you can fully take care of the baby’s needs. Especially if the baby is not feeling well which can be quite frequent during the early years.

The main challenge would be the financial part as nowadays, it is rather hard for a household to survive based on one income.

Therefore, a stay-at-home mom must have sufficient savings to last through her stay-at-home duration. And of course, along the way think of ways to have an income to support the family.

Thus, it is true that women need to be financially independent.

7. Will you regret your decision?

Lastly, the most important question is, will you regret your decision?

Some of the things that might make you regret your decision to be a stay-at-home mom are as below:

i. No personal time and never-ending house chores

As a stay-at-home mom, most of your time is occupied with your little one with the never-ending house chores. This means you do not have time for yourself.

Compared with a working mom, where you still have your time when you are taking leave from work.

Occasionally the little one can have bad tantrums and it affects you too.

Or, sometimes the little one can not appreciate you being around and expect you to do everything for him.

ii. When you see other working moms are doing great at work and at home

It can be hard not to envy when you see other working moms doing great both at work and as a mom.

Such as when you got to know that ex-colleague who has 3 kids been promoted.

Can you handle this?

iii. When you need to prioritize your finances

Something very obvious when you switch from a working mom to a stay-at-home mom is you no longer receive the regular paycheck.

Unless you have other sources of income, you really need to prioritize your finances. This includes reducing unnecessary expenses while finding the best deal for your money.

In other words, you can’t be spending like how you’ve been spending before.

That can be very tough especially if you are someone who loves to spend.

That’s why you need to have a list of reasons why you want to be a stay-at-home mom instead of a working mom.

Final thoughts

Many moms that I know prefer to continue as working moms rather than taking the unusual road of switching to stay-at-home moms after the arrival of their little ones.

Personally, I hope I am able to guide my son throughout his life journey. I believe that not only quality time is important, but the quantity of time spent with our little ones is a crucial factor in their overall development.

Every mom and every family is unique.

If you enjoy your work and you have someone reliable and trustworthy to take care of your little ones, maybe a working mom might suit you better.

On the other hand, if you think you don’t want to miss any important milestone in your child’s development and you are financially stable, perhaps being a stay-at-home mom will make you happier.

If you find it hard to decide, probably take a long leave from work. During this long leave, experience it yourself whether you enjoy staying at home and taking care of the little one.

There is no right or wrong decision.

Both working moms and stay-at-home moms are great moms. The choice is based on your unique needs and personal preference. The most important part is the mom must be happy and present when she is with her little one.

With that, I hope my sharing above is beneficial to you. May you be able to make the right decision for yourself, your child and your family.

Lastly, you might be interested to read this article by another mother, Ajalon J. Stapley on Why I Changed My Mind About Being a Stay-at-home Mom.

Image Credits

Image by Iuliia Bondarenko from Pixabay

Working Mom or Stay-At-Home Mom: 7 Questions to Ask Yourself

Table of Contents