For this post, I am going to share the secrets of a financially happy marriage.
Most of us would agree if I said money is an important matter in a marriage. If not properly managed, money can ruin a marriage.
Do you wonder how your married friends or family member handle their money matters? Sometimes, I do. But, I don’t ask them openly. It’s kind of improper, right?
If you do feel curious about how other couples manage their finances, read further below. I will be sharing my thought about money and marriage. This includes how my hubby and I manage our finances.
Table of Contents
5 secrets for a financially happy marriage
And below are my 5 secrets for a financially happy marriage:
1. Understand your partner’s financial personality
The first is to understand your partner’s financial personality.
I would say this is important and should be done when you are shortlisting your partner as your potential spouse.
Therefore, in the early part of the relationship, consider taking time and opportunity to understand your partner’s financial personality. See if you can accept and live with his financial personality.
Some of the easy ways to spot a personal financial personality:
- Does he splurge on the latest gadgets? He might belong to the spender type.
- Does he talk about using the money he made from his investment to buy a property? He might be a good investor or at least know something about investment.
- He only brings you to cheap restaurants, even on special occasions? Then, he might be a calculative or stingy guy.
Once you know about his financial personality, ask yourself if you can accept living with his financial personality.
Be serious and honest with yourself.
On the other hand, it is equally important for you to show your true financial personality as well, especially in the early part of the relationship.
Because there is no point to hide your own financial personality just to impress your boyfriend or girlfriend. Sooner or later, that true personality is going to show itself.
Anyway, if you are married, you still can take the initiative to understand your partner’s financial personality.
Then, learn to accept it. If you can positively influence your partner’s finances, that will be great.
On a side note, take some time to read this great article by Nicole about financial personality types that affect money habits (Malaysian style). I find a lot of truth in her sharing. Go check it out.
2. Keep finances separate (if needed, open a joint account)
Although Dave Ramsey wrote that it is a bad idea for couples to keep separate finance, keeping our finance separate works great for me and my husband.
Even though we keep our finance separate, we still know each other financial situation. Such as:
- how much money do we make;
- how much do we spend;
- housing loan and car loan status;
- the amount of savings we have.
So, I think it depends on the couples themselves.
Some couples want to share everything and let one person manage the money matter. While some couples prefer to manage their own finances but still work together as a couple.
Or, perhaps consider opening a joint account if they find it necessary.
One important thing for couples who choose to manage their own finance is to know and be responsible for their own financial commitment.
3. Talk about money (regularly)
The next secret to healthy personal finance in marriage is to talk about money in our everyday life.
For example:
- Tell your partner your colleague spent RM12,000 giving birth at a private hospital (hinting to him about the cost of having a baby).
- While you are shopping for your new work clothes, tell your partner that you don’t mind paying for more expensive but with better quality clothes.
- Share with your partner that there is this new digital investment technology called robo-advisor that can give a better return on investment with lower fees.
- Ask your partner what he thinks about the future of cryptocurrency such as Bitcoin and whether he is interested to know about investing in Bitcoin.
In other words, just don’t hesitate to talk about money and your view on money issues.
Very likely, it is easier to talk about others’ financial views than to talk about our financial views or financial situation.
Because sharing our personal finance makes us feel vulnerable. But, as a couple, we need to involve our money view and discussion as part of our daily communication.
Indirectly, when a couple starts to communicate about money, they learn from each other. And they learn to know each other better too.
These strengthen their bond as well.
Some would suggest having money dates or fixing a specific day of the week or month for money talk.
For my husband and I, we don’t do that. When we need to discuss a money matter, we just discuss it on the spot.
4. Discuss and agree on financial commitments
In marriage, financial commitment is among the many commitments that couples need to take care of.
Some of the financial commitments are:
- housing loan
- car loan
- utility bills (water, electricity, phone bill, broadband, cable tv)
- expenses for kids
- health and medical insurance
- food
- personal care
- savings, investment and retirement
- holiday and trips
If you notice, some of these are shared financial commitments while some are own financial commitments.
Couples must discuss and agree on who pays what.
Then, they must be committed and responsible for their financial commitments.
Aside from financial commitments, couples need to give room to each other to spend money on their own interest. But do not hide your spending from your spouse.
5. Expect and allow some financial disagreement
Despite all the above secrets to healthy personal finance, do expect and allow some financial disagreement along the way.
Because it is going to happen anyway.
Always remember that you and your spouse come from two different backgrounds. Therefore, you can’t expect your spouse to agree with all your views, even though, your view might be right.
When financial disagreement happens, give space for each other to cool down and think over it before discussing it again. If you find it hard to have another discussion face to face, I suggest using text messages instead.
And if both of you still can’t agree, why not just let it be? I know this can be tough, especially if you know that your partner’s decision is the wrong one.
But remember, your priority is your marriage.
Personally, when my husband and I have different views on money matters, such as my husband prefers a longer car loan tenure while I prefer a shorter one, I just let him go ahead with his decision.
A few years down the road, he realised I was right. So, when he has sufficient cash, he quickly settles his car loan in full.
When this happens, remember not to say things such as ‘see, I told you so‘. Because these words hurt deep.
Final thoughts
Each marriage is unique in its own way. What works for me, may not work for you.
I believe the most important part is both partners must be committed to each other. It is also important for both partners to be responsible for their own financial decisions.
After all, money should make a marriage happier and not the other way around.
With that, I hope you learn something from my sharing of 5 secrets for a financially happy marriage. Feel free to share your view.
Let us grow together financially.
Image Credits
Image by Pexels from Pixabay
